I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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