Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You're like the curious george of whores
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
