This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize