Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
