it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize