The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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