when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
