after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
