It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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