My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
