Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
