I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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