I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We have started to decorate penises.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize