I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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