My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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