nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Boobs speak an international language.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
