i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
