I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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