i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
