ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
