I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize