If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
