It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
