i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
