New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
