come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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