I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
