I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
