I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
operation harelip BJ is a go
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
