She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How's work?
Spinning.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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