she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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