They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
