but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
