she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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