I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm at about main and main street
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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