My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
