Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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