I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
