I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
