No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
