Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
