he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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