Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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