my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
