she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
