i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
