Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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