Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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