Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
