she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dignity is for republicans.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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