i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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