Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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