i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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