Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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