you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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