dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize