I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
