sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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