I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize