i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
