Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
