even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
