no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
