i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
