ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
