He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
