i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
