I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
