You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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