There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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