I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize