when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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