Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize