My room smells like vodka and shame
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
