Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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