i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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