oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my shit smells like andre
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
