theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
